This post may contain affiliate links. This means that if you purchase a product using the link, I may receive a small commission. This is at no extra cost to you, and your support means the absolute world to me. It's boring af but please read Disclaimer for more information.
Sorry my lovely followers for not posting for a short while. I have been dealing with the breakdown of a long distance relationship, and was feeling pretty lost. I’ve decided to write about it as a way of helping myself heal.
As you may know, I was living in Whistler, Canada this time last year and living life to the fullest. What you wouldn’t know, is that while I was out there, I met someone that I really liked and we decided we wanted to continue our relationship after the season ended. We both knew that this was a huge commitment and we were willing to give it a try.
We had an amazing time – we shredded together everyday (he boards), we went out partying and sightseeing, and we spent the summer travelling together.
6 months later, and unfortunately it didn’t work out. Half of it, of course, is the distance, but the worst part for us was the time difference. It can be 11-13 hours depending on the time of year (which is f*cking ridiculous) and we barely got to speak, and if we did argue, we could never properly resolve it.
I don’t want this post to be too personal, so here are some of the ways I’ve helped myself to get by and if you’re in a similar situation hopefully you can use them to help you too.
This is a given in any relationship, at also at the end of any relationship, but it is particularly important in a LDR. Both parties need to agree on a final decision, whether it’s completely breaking contact or waiting for a certain time. Do whatever suits you. You can’t continue walking around with a dark cloud over your shoulder because you’ve made a decision to suit somebody else’s wishes more than yours.
F*CK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
Stop worrying about what your friends and family might think, or whoever it is that makes you question your decision. To start, it ain’t their business – and their opinions certainly aren’t your business. Put yourself first for once, and do what feels right.
It’s really important at this early stage to remember that you are totally entitled to be sad, overwhelmed or empty, even if it was your decision. I don’t buy that bullshit that if you break up with someone you must be the happy, single, free person. Unless it was a terrible, terrible relationship, you are still going to care about each other for a while, and probably a little bit forever. You’ve shared a lot. Acknowledge your sadness and allow yourself time to grieve. It’s also worth trying to remember that you are likely sad about what could have been, rather than what was. But this will get better as you adjust.
Your friends are gonna be there for you – don’t ever doubt that. Stop trying to be so strong. If you need to, bloody well cry! Crying is cleansing and always cathartic in my book. I love a proper cry. But after you’ve had a good old cry, get your sassy back. Try to ignore the subject completely. Laugh, whether it’s watching a film or talking about old times, it will keep your mind away from the shitstorm in your head and it’s proven that the actual act of smiling makes you feel happier! Just don’t get too wasted or you will probably cry all night/fall on your head.
DON’T TRIGGER YOURSELF
Step away from the social media/photo album. Seriously, just don’t. You can look through all those happy times in a month or so without it washing up massive feelings of guilt/anger/sadness/whatever. If you can’t stay away then block yourself.
Now’s a good time to start that new project you’ve had your eye on, could be a new fitness regime or cooking plan, or even that blog you’ve been meaning to start! Meet up with old friends, spend time with your family. Don’t overload yourself but do fill your days with things to look forward too (mine is a glass of wine or cup of tea and a book)
WRITE ABOUT IT
I always find that when there’s too much going on in my head (which is often) noting things down helps me. Write in your dairy, on your blog, in an email or message to a friend, find something that suits you. It will help you rationalise and writing can have a calming effect for a lot of people. Give it a try.
If I can make one person feel happier about their breakdown of a long distance relationship, I will be content. Maybe even if that person is myself.